Accurate self-knowledge is critical for attaining positive self-esteem, success and fulfilment. And yet, as the famous aviator, Beryl Markham, said, "people can live a lifetime and know other people better than they know themselves." We can be strangers to ourselves, often holding conflicting and/or limiting perceptions of self and our place in the world.

1. Describe who you are.

2. What factors/experiences have played a part in influencing who you have become e.g. upbringing/parents, religion, gender, culture, education, class, age, work, specific incidents and so on? How have these factors influenced who you are?

3. If at all, how would you prefer to be? Why is this?

4. What roles do you play in life e.g. father/mother, husband/wife, sister/brother, carer, manager, friend, provider, and so on?

5. How important/valued do you feel in each of these roles? How do you feel about this?

6. With the roles you play in life in mind, list your “needs”. For example: as a wife/husband, you may need to feel respected and loved; to be treated as an equal by your partner; to be encouraged and stimulated; to have fun within your relationship, and so on. Are your needs being met in each of your roles? What are the implications of this?
 
7. Again, with the roles you play in life in mind, describe your values and beliefs and the "rules" you live your life by. Who/what has influenced the formation of these rules, values and beliefs? By way of fictitious example: within my role as a father, I believe in positive parenting. This belief came about as a response to my personal experiences of being born to strict parents in post-war Britain. This belief has led me to form many "rules", i.e. children should always be listened to, to name but one. This has led, on numerous occasions, to friction between my partner and myself.  Please take time with this question, and really examine each of the beliefs, values and rules that you identify whilst also reflecting on the implications of each on your life.

8. What are your “don’t wants” in life? I don’t want …

9. What are your “do wants” in life? I do want …

10. Who’s important to you and why?

11. What is of importance to you and why are these things important to you?

12. Complete the following sentence “I feel most alive when…”. What are the implications of this? By way of fictitious example: “I feel most alive when I’m dancing.” What is it about dancing that makes me feel so alive (a lack of concern about others’ judgement; a sense of connection, connecting to something bigger and more powerful than myself; a feeling of sensuality and movement; excitement) and how can I bring more of these elements into my everyday life?

13. List the interests/activities/hobbies that you have and detail your reasons for participating in them.

14. Who do you compare yourself with/against? Why is this? What impact does this have on your life?

15. Whose opinion and/or approval do you care about? Why? What impact does this have on your life?

16. What makes you feel happy/makes you laugh? Why?

17. What makes you feel sad/makes you cry? Why?

18. What do you like about your appearance? Why?

19. If anything, what would you like to change about your appearance? Why is this?

20. List your top 10 qualities/strengths as a person. Choose a person whose opinion you trust and value to also make a list of your top 10 qualities and compare the two lists. What can you learn about yourself from this?

21. If any, list your weaknesses. What impact do these weaknesses have on your life?

22. Detail your achievements to date. What conclusions can you draw about yourself from this list of achievements?

23. Where are you going in life? Create a vision of yourself in 1, 2, 5 and 10 years time.

24. List your goals in life – the steps you will need to take to make your vision a reality. When do you want to achieve these goals by? What are your motivations? How motivated do you feel?

25. Do you foresee any obstacles that could prevent you from achieving your goals? If so, what might they be? What can be done about them?

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